


Forever Forgotten

by animangod



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Broken Families, Family Loss, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Near Death Experiences, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-12-30 11:08:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18314204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animangod/pseuds/animangod
Summary: “The rock, once it starts to roll down the hill, it won’t stop. It will keep rolling until the end of the road.” – Yuuko Ichihara.When Fai needs to be saved again, the price is one Kurogane and their family must bear together in order to save his life. The price demanded is every memory Fai makes and made of Kurogane. But there's more to the price than what is demanded.Inspired by a Twitter post by lokapormusik.





	1. Prologue

Kurogane never thought he would be asking to save Fai again; this time it was the kid, Watanuki, although he wasn't much of a child anymore.

 

He looked so distraught, because he knew already that Kurogane had no intention of ever giving up on Fai, but there was so little their group could use to pay for the wish, and even with all three offering to help pay, the greatest weight was on the one who wished it with all his heart.

 

“The price of a life is a heavy burden, one you still pay for,” Watanuki began, “Even lessened by the wishes of our friends, it would be a cruel price. More painful than the prices you have already paid, Kurogane-san,” Watanuki warned.

 

“Even so...I'll bear it. I'll bear whatever price if it means he lives.”

 

Even though he knew it would end up like this, it didn't mean he had to like informing a good friend of this price. “The price, is every memory Fai-san made of you and every memory he makes of you.”

 

“Every memory?” Syaoran asked.

 

“Yes. Everywhere Kurogane-san is in Fai-san's memories will no longer exist. Furthermore, every time Fai-san sleeps, he will forget every new instance of Kurogane-san, leaving an emptiness where he was.”

 

“That's horrible! Isn't there another-?” Mokona began, tears building in her eyes.

 

“We'll pay it!” Kurogane said firmly before speaking in a softer tone. “We'll pay that price...just what do we have to do to save him?”


	2. First Awakening

Fai stirred from his dreamless sleep, sore and weak, but alive. Feeling a warmth against his hand, he turned his head and was surprised to see a stranger kneeled by him, dark hands holding his and red eyes peering at him.

 

“Ah, you're awake. How're you feeling?”

 

Fai pushed out a polite smile, “alright, I think."

 

“That's good. The worst of your illness should be gone now but you should still rest and recover your strength.”

 

“Oh - so you're a doctor… do you know where Syaoran-kun is? We were travelling together and …”

 

Kurogane nodded, “The boy's in the next room.” He paused a moment to remember what he was going to say, “He asked for help saving your life so we brought you here for medical treatment. I'll call him in, if you like.”

 

“Yes, please … and thank you for your help, doctor,” Fai said with a small smile.

 

“Ah,” he nodded and gently let go of Fai's hand as he stood up.

 

Kurogane walked over and opened the door, stepping outside of the room. Fai clearly heard him say, “you can see him now, kiddo.”

 

Both Mokona and Syaoran did their best to offer an empathetic hand before going inside with Fai. As much as Syaoran loved Fai, he wondered if Kurogane just paid a price he couldn't afford to pay.  He was sure he was strong enough to bear the price his clone once paid but this price was different. More. Kurogane quietly walked away, and Syaoran couldn't even blame him.

 

Syaoran kneeled by Fai's side as Mokona hopped over to snuggle against Fai. “We're glad you're alive, Fai-san.”

 

“Thanks, Syaoran-kun, Moko-chan,” he smiled a little apologetically, and gently pet Mokona. “Are you both alright?”

 

“We are. We've been able to rest here with Kurogane-san.”

 

“Kurogane-san.. is that his name? It's lucky you found someone who could help.”

 

“Yeah…” Syaoran said agreeably, “I don't know what we would have done if he hadn't been there.” It was close enough to the truth but far enough estranged from it, that Fai shouldn't pass out from trying to remember Kurogane.

 

They spent several minutes in the room, checking on how Fai was doing like the worried and concerned family members they were. At least that much, there was no falsehoods to as they cared about Fai and his well being.

 

“Are you hungry? I could get you some food?” Syaoran eventually offered.

 

“That's very kind of you, Syaoran-kun. If Kurogane-san doesn't mind, I'd appreciate that.”

 

“Mokona will keep Fai company,” Mokona said as she hugged Fai with her little paws.

 

“Thank you, Moko-chan. You always make good company~”

 

“I'll be back soon,” Syaoran bowed before walking out of the room and heading to the kitchen to make a meal for them.

 

Kurogane didn't put up his walls as he knew it was Syaoran coming. He sat hunched against a wall and Syaoran didn't say anything about the way Kurogane's shoulders shook, or how his hands and jaw clenched tightly. He definitely did not say anything about the expression Kurogane wore.

 

“Shall I make you food as well, Kurogane-san?”

 

He shook his head some, which was as much speech as he felt up to at the moment.

 

“Alright, Kurogane-san.”

 

Syaoran didn't push as he made food before he brought it back to Fai. He heard Mokona talking with Fai and by the conversation, realized Fai didn't even know why he had been so ill. Fai only remembered the feeling of being carried as well as coughing up his own blood before waking up there.

 

Walking back in, Syaoran brought the food over and Mokona hopped to Fai's shoulder when he sat up more to eat. “Ah - thank you, Syaoran-kun.”


	3. Echoes of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happier Song: Alive by Adelitas Way.  
> Sadder Song: Lilium (Music Box) from Elfen Lied.

Kurogane took a while to compose himself and reign in his emotions. Knowing a price was one thing, but feeling the weight of it was different. He knew he could never bring Fai back from the dead but as long as he wasn't dead, he would do whatever he could to save him.

 

He had saved Fai back in Koryu, back in Tokyo, back in Celes, back in Clow, back in Nirai Kinai. He loved his families and he had risked his life so often to protect them and he was sure he would never stop wanting to protect them. He supposed it was the same for the kids wanting to save their princess. Both the kid and the brat loved their families, both adopted and blood, but it was just a little different when it came to the hime and the princess.

 

He wanted this kid and the manjuu to be able to be happy and not suffer as much as he wanted to get back the other two. He wanted to eventually return to Nihon and live there with Fai, making interdimensional trips to see their kids but not as much as he wanted to see Fai living and enjoying his life, making up in happinesses for all the sorrow and pain he already endured.

 

When the ‘doctor’ knocked, Syaoran and Mokona excused themselves, promising to see him soon.

 

Kurogane walked in and noticed Fai had his hair into a ponytail again. Kurogane remembered if Fai expected it would be just their little family, Fai often left his hair down in front of them before but if he thought they would have company around, he would put it into a ponytail. It was just another sign he was no longer seen as part of their family by Fai. Even so, what mattered most was his family was still alive, they wanted to live, and they still had plenty of chances to have happiness.

 

Walking over, he gently placed a palm against Fai’s forehead, before slowly moving it away.

 

“The fever's nearly gone. That's good.”

 

“Well I have a good doctor to thank for that.” Fai smiled pleasantly.

 

Kurogane felt his cheeks warm up at the praise although he didn't bother sorting out which feeling was predominantly responsible as there was a slew of emotions he felt and refused to acknowledge in front of Fai. He'd deal with them later.

 

“Just glad you're doing better. Were you able to eat that food the kid made?”

 

“Yes. Syaoran-kun is a good cook," Fai said with fondness towards Syaoran, before he asked, "Hey Kurogane-san?”

 

He briefly wondered if that was the name he would have to accustom himself to hearing from Fai. None of the hostile Kurogane. None of the playful nicknames. Just Kurogane-san.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“These aren't the same clothes I remember being in last. Did you change my clothes?”

 

“Yeah. They were covered in blood and the kid provided a spare outfit for you to change into, once you were no longer hacking up blood. Your original clothes will be returned once they have been thoroughly cleaned. No sense trying to return your illness to you.”

 

“How kind of you... Have you always been a doctor?” Fai asked as he lay in the bed. There was a lingering sense he should be remembering something about this person, but they had traveled so many worlds and met so many people, he reasoned it was just another familiar looking face like Kusanagi and Sanyun, although couldn't place where.

 

“No.” As much as he could, he would like to be honest with Fai. He waved his hand a little to dismiss the idea.  “That would be ridiculous. Kids can't be doctors.”

 

Fai let out an amused chuckle at that, “no. I suppose they can't.”

 

The day passed with Fai usually having either Kurogane or Syaoran and Mokona in the room with him. Syaoran and Mokona were supportive friends and family and would remember tales with him, silently keeping tabs of the things they knew Fai had lost. Kurogane would entertain him with humorous remarks between checking up on him. For brief periods, Fai was alone. Far enough away that Fai shouldn’t be able to hear them, Syaoran and Mokona would spend time with Kurogane, since he was also important to them.

 

Kurogane didn’t say it aloud, but he appreciated their efforts. Even if he never showed all his hurt in front of them, because he never enjoyed admitting he was hurting, he trusted them that he didn’t have to hide it all, that it was okay if they knew he wasn’t okay.

 

Night came and Syaoran made dinner for everyone, making sure everyone ate and afterwards Syaoran read to Fai from a book he had bought a while back from an older man who didn't believe in offering discounts. Kurogane listened in some between washing blood out of Fai's clothes.

 

Syaoran bid Fai good night after he finished reading the book to Fai, having a feeling Kurogane wanted to see Fai again, and yet avoided spending much time in the same room to as though to lessen how much of his memories were affected the next day.

 

“I feel like I've been laying here all day,” Fai lightly joked when Kurogane stepped inside.

 

“You pretty much have been, but it's fine.. sometimes that's what the body need to finish recovering.” He began to shift the covers to tuck them around Fai.

 

“Kurogane-san…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Why were you holding my hand this morning?”

 

He was quiet for the time it took to breathe in and out twice. “The kid said something about it being normal where he is from - to hold the sick person's hand when they are falling asleep or before they wake up. Figured even it did no good, it couldn’t hurt either.”

 

“Then… if it's not too much trouble.. I know you have other things you could be doing and all...”

 

Kurogane lifted up the hand in his own, and cupped it between the two,“it's no trouble.”

 

“It's okay if you let go after I'm asleep.”

 

“I'll check on the kid later. In the meantime, get some sleep,” Kurogane softly urged.

 

“Thank you, Kurogane-san.”

 

Kurogane stayed there long after Fai fell asleep, and only moved away when Syaoran came in to check on him. He stood up and encouraged Syaoran to head to bed himself.

 

“What about you, Kurogane-san?”

 

“I'll sleep in a while. Now off you two go.”

 

“Alright. Sleep well, Kurogane-san.”

 

“Sweet dreams,” Mokona told him as she went with Syaoran to the second bedroom.

 

Kurogane watched them before doing a patrol, making sure the place was still safe before returning to his spot, and going back to holding Fai's hand. He knew to expect Fai not to remember him in the morning, and yet the foolish emotion inside still tried to revive hope Fai would remember him. He fell asleep, hoping tomorrow would be a better day for them. He'd leave worrying about the consequence for world hopping and Fai not remembering him to his future self.


	4. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two more Songs:
> 
> Deja Vu by Blood on the Dance Floor
> 
> Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer

“I'm awake, I'm awake,” Fai spoke as he pulled himself out of the dream world, jerking as he opened up his eyes. The ceiling above him was the same as when he went to bed. However…he felt a weight against his hand, and looked over.

 

Sure the guy who had fallen asleep on his knees had a cute face and all, but Fai wondered who he was and why was he gently holding his hand? And where were Moko-chan and Syaoran-kun? Slowly slinking his hand free, he watched as the man seemed to stir in his sleep at that, but not quite wake up. Taking the opportunity, he finished freeing his hand, moved the covers and slid out of bed. He didn’t have a lot of energy, certainly not enough to teleport them from this world to another but it seemed at least the new man meant them no harm.

 

Walking out of the room, it didn’t take long to find Syaoran and Mokona fast asleep in the other bedroom, Mokona tucked against Syaoran’s cheek and sleeping easily together, a couple of books near the bed and closed with care.

 

Fai smiled fondly seeing the two of them and hearing the tiny noises they made as they slept. Letting them continue to sleep, he explored the house, and found it was scarcely furnished. Beds in the bedroom and chairs around a table but little else. There were no dishes out so he reasonably assumed Syaoran washed and dried them. Perhaps with some help from Mokona.

 

Fai found the kitchen which provided a little more than the rest of the house. Canned foods and water were available as well as heat, pans, bowls, cups, knives and spoons. He found it curious the forks he knew best as well as the sticks he had encountered in some worlds were not available. 

 

Tucked away in a corner, there was a photo atop a stack of magazines he couldn't read. The picture was of a young girl with pigtails, wearing a simple robe and what looked like a large ribbon around her waist holding a bunch of yellow flowers in her arms and wearing a warm smile. Although she looked different, the warm smile reminded him of a girl he knew from Celes. He wondered what the connection was between the girl and the unfamiliar man as he hadn't seen any sign of this girl around.

 

Fai realized he still needed time to recuperate his strength but he felt good enough to at least  make breakfast. He occasionally glanced at the photo sitting on the stack of magazines as he worked on breakfast, before hearing soft footsteps and turned his attention to the hallway, and the saw the image of the man walking slowly and looking around. He made eye contact briefly before continuing to look around, eventually stopping when it seemed he was content.

 

“Good morning, sir,” Fai greeted him with a small wave.

 

The man looked confused for a moment before replying, “mornin’.”

 

“Is this your place?” Fai asked as he returned to cooking.

 

“Belongs to a friend of mine.” Close enough. “He's a single dad and I help him take care of the place.”

 

Fai lightly hummed at that. “And he doesn't mind you brought company here?”

 

“Long as you three don't wreck the place, sure he aint gonna mind. Heard you were sick and sick people don't need to be out in the elements.”

 

“Righ - wait, three?” Fai asked.

 

“That little white thing is with you, right?”

 

“Ah yes… just, most don't count Moko-chan as one.”

 

“I mean, the thing's a little odd but you get used to odd things eventually.”

 

“Oh? Like what?”

 

“ _ Odd _ , things. Like this bear wearing an apron and talking to a one eyed rabbit about a fire breathing dog,” Kurogane replied as he sat in one of the chairs.

 

“That is odd,” Fai agreed with a soft laugh. It was so easy to talk with him, that it felt like they had known each other for years, but that was impossible. Maybe he was just easy to take with, like Mokona. “So what's your name, sir? Mine is Fai. Fai Fluorite.”

 

“That's…” he began before pausing, “it's Kurogane.”

Was he just imagining things or did this Kurogane fellow sound sad saying his own name?

 

“Shall I make you breakfast as well, Kurogane-san?”

 

“If it's not too much extra work…” he said before asking, “how're you feeling? You doing okay?”

 

“I am doing better, thank you,” Fai replied warmly. 

 

“Good to know. You were out for a few days so-”

 

“Days?” Fai asked surprised.

 

“Ah…” he affirmed, “oh right… your clothes might still be wet but they should be clean at least…”

 

“Oh.. thank you, Kurogane-san.”

 

“You don't need to thank me,” he dismissed. 

 

“Would you mind waking up Syaoran-kun and Moko-chan? Breakfast is almost ready.”

 

“Sure.” Standing up from the chair, Kurogane walked over to the bedroom.

 

Fai took a moment to watch the retreating figure before turning off the stove and splitting the food into equal servings. Even having no memory of the man, he still felt like he knew him. It was strange and he wondered if it was a side effect of being sick.

 

He'd never heard of a sickness that caused someone to have deja vu feelings of knowing someone. However, he remembered Sakura had a similar problem when it came to Syaoran … the realization hit him hard and, like Sakura, he passed out.


	5. Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs:
> 
> Are you Lonely by Alan Walker
> 
> All Falls Down by Adelitas Way

“Fai-san might not remember why he was sick.”

 

“Does the sickness have anything to do with Kurogane-san?” Syaoran asked

 

Watanuki nodded, even as he looked at them with sadness and sympathy. “In a way, it does. The last world you were in cast magic that only affected Fai-san because of the first wish Kurogane-san made to save Fai-san's life. It was meant to destroy their mosquito population but it has an effect on others. Certain other animals, as well as vampires. Had he been a full blood vampire, no price could have saved him.”

 

...

 

Kurogane moved the warm rag away from Fai's head, even as the conversation played back in his head, a conversation between Syaoran, Watanuki and Mokona, after they had made it safely there and Fai was recovering. He had been there, cradling Fai in his arms, but refusing to speak because he knew it would be emotions talking. Mokona had been crying most of the conversation and getting out half sentences when she could and he felt a little sorry she was so empathic when there was so much pain and sadness at the time. Both Watanuki and Syaoran spoke with such melancholy in their voices.

 

They had been to that world before - a jungle world, similar to the one with the scarf wearing bunnies. They hadn't had that problem before. Then again, Fai hadn't been turned when they visited the first time.

 

He went to rinse the rag out and get it cold and damp again. With the rag cool again, he laid it against Fai's forehead, setting it gently over the lump he got from hitting his head when he fell. He knew it was his wish's fault, and yet... he didn't regret saving Fai's life but he didn't have to like knowing it hurt Fai. Maybe after they found the other two, when they got to his world, he would stay behind for good. Maybe then, Fai wouldn't be hurt anymore because of his wish. He could at least hope. He was pretty sure that was still free to do. When Fai seemed to be close to better, Mokona handed over a few items they kept for pawning and bartering purposes and handed them over to Kurogane at his request.  He patted Syaoran on the shoulder gently, trusting Fai's care with him while he went out.

 

When Fai came to again, Syaoran had brought in one of the chairs and was sitting by Fai's bedside.

 

“Are you feeling better?”

 

“A little,” Fai smiled weakly. “My head hurts some.”

 

“It looked like you were making breakfast and passed out. Please don't overexert yourself, Fai-san.”

 

“I thought I was feeling better enough to handle making a meal but I guess I was overdoing it a little,” he said a little sheepishly. “Are you alright, Syaoran-kun? You didn't hurt yourself?”

 

“I'm alright,” he nodded.

 

“And Moko-chan?”

 

“She's doing good.”

 

Mokona came bounding in after a little bit holding a couple of flowers in her paws.

 

“Moko-chan~”  Fai greeted as he sat up some in bed, the rag falling down as he moved.

 

“Are you okay, Fai-chan? We were worried about you,” Mokona spoke hopping up onto the bed with him.

 

Fai gently scooped her into his hands, “I'm okay.”

 

Mokona held out the flowers to Fai, “I got these for you.”

 

“Thank you, Moko-chan. They're pretty.”

 

Mokona tucked the flowers into Fai's hair, “are you hurting anywhere, Fai-chan?”

 

“Just a little, but I'm sure it'll fade away soon.” He paused a little and looked like he was questioning something. “Was there someone else here?”

 

“There was, but he left to go to work,” Syaoran assured. It was close enough to true. Kurogane had left to either find work or pawn off a couple more things to get some cash in this world for things like food and medicine.

 

Fai smiled, reassured he wasn't entirely imagining having a conversation earlier although he couldn't exactly recall who with or what was said. He supposed that's what happens when he bangs his head. At dinner time, he helped a little but took it easy so as to keep up his energy.

 

Syaoran and Mokona noticed Kurogane didn't come back inside that night, and Syaoran hoped that meant Kurogane had found a job. Mokona slept with Fai that night.


End file.
